Well Then. That was Awkward

So. Have you ever been murdered with eyeballs before? I mean yeah  I’ve heard the phrase “if looks could kill” but I mean, have you actually felt like someone was actually, seriously trying to murder you with their face before? Up until today my answer was no. As many of you know, I had quite the ridiculous experience with work, being pursued by a married man and then becoming the obsessive stalkee (I may have made that work up) of his wife. Well. I had enough of that and decided to put everything on blast (see previous blog post) and the communication from her finally stopped at that point. I honestly have no real ill feelings toward her. I understand that she loves her husband and she’s willing to believe what the man she has spent almost two decades with has to say. I’d like to think we all would side with our spouses, because we all want our other halves to be great, loving, sincere people. So, while I don’t know what stories she was told and how true any of them were, I understood her hostility. I just wanted her to leave me alone. Anywho, so she left me alone. The last few months have been quiet, the paranoia when checking my email, Facebook, Linkedin, and walking into my own front yard has died down quite a bit. But today. WOOOOOO. Today.

I’m sitting in my lovely cubicle at work when I suddenly realize I was bourbon chicken for lunch. Not like fancy bourbon, like gross, liquidy, mall bourbon chicken. SO me and my gal pal from work load up into her car and head for the mall. I’m sitting there, picking up my soy sauce and collecting my things to meet up with my friend who is picking up her food at another restaurant. I turn around to scan the room, see if she’s still ordering or waiting for me. People are everywhere. It’s lunch time, on a weekday in a busy little city. So it’s pretty full. So I’m scanning all of these people, and my eyes graze across this middle aged, blonde, maybe a little tired looking woman; and I think to myself Man, that woman looks PISSED. I keep scanning and I can feel this heat on me. So I turn a little back to this woman. Then I realize why its so damn warm all of a sudden. This incredibly angry woman is staring right at me. Not past me, not through me in some daydreaming state, but drilling her icy eyes into me, trying to find my soul (and probably hoping I don’t have one… which I do). It takes me a minute. Because I have never met this woman in person. I have obviously spent a whole lot less time staring at her pictures than she has apparently been staring at mine. Because this woman managed to zone in on me in a crowded ass food court although we have literally never met before.

Then it kind of hits me. By hits me I mean smacks me in the face like a boulder. An angry, tired middle aged boulder that kind of looks like it forget to brush it’s hair that morning. But a boulder none the less. This is HIS wife. This is the woman that caused me to have to stop writing my blog for months, that caused me to have to make all of my social profiles private. The woman who spent occasions messaging my husband just to let him know what a whore she thinks I am. So this is her in person. Hm. But like any disaster in real life. I cannot stop looking at her. In fact, me being the person I am, I walk up to my gal pal and end up giggling uncontrollably. Because what the hell else do you do in this awkward situation. I mean I know I’m laughing. I know she’s crazy. And I know there is a small chance I am about to get shot in the middle of the mall food court. But for some reason I still laugh.

I have never felt like it has taken longer for a cashier to ring out a single lunch platter before in my entire life. Ages went by in between the time my girlfriend managed to get her card and out when the cashier swiped it. A few seasons may have gone by. My six year old could have completed college in the time it took for this moment to go by. She meant that glare though. Man did she mean it. She turned around and watched me leave the entire building. I kept waiting for the moment. When she tried to approach me, or shot me… but as you can see here, I’m still kicking. At least for now.

Anyway, there isn’t much that happened in this story. But I thought of a million clever and bitchy things I could have said once I was out of the situation. But that’s how it always is. Always the snappy genius after the fact. I’m sure she’s already checked my blog a few times today. So I’ll just say sorry you hate me. Sorry you had to see me in my fabulous and adorable business casual outfit and that I probably ruined your nice kid free trip to the mall. Hope you are well. Please don’t kill me in the food court. K,thnx,bye.

And to the rest of you. I think I’m over the hiatus thing. I’m officially back to write all about my ridiculous life for you all to pretend to enjoy. YAY!


One thought on “Well Then. That was Awkward

  1. Oh man … what did I miss! I’m going to have to go back and read all your stuff! I love this kind of juicy crazy shit. Sorry. Lol 😝


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