Did you know I’m the worst mom ever? I totally am! My six-year-old says so, so it’s got to be true. You see, its not the big things that matter. The trips to Disney, the karaoke machine, the stupid blow up pool, trips to the movies etc. Those mean nothing. It’s the important stuff, like wearing flip-flops to school even though the rules strictly say close backed shoes. The sneaking of small toys in her school bag, the joy of dessert every single night. Those things are what matters. But I’m not too worried. My daughter is going to be way better at being mom than I am. She told me. In fact I’m so impressed by her future motherhood plans that I decided to make a small list of all the things she is going to do so much better than me! So when she is a successful mom one day… I can show her just how long she’s been preparing for the success. And today, I’ll share a few with you!
“When I have kids they are gonna take whatever toys to school they want”.
Yeah. That’s right. I destroyed the entire meaning of her existence this morning and earned myself a full blown six-year-old fit over Shopkins. Because for some horrible selfish reason, I don’t want the hundreds of dollars that have gone into collecting these ridiculous little creatures going out my front door, down to summer camp and never being seen again. I know. Horrible.
“My kids won’t have a bed time”.
HA! All the wine in the world couldn’t take bed time out of my night plans. Good luck with that one kid.
“My kids are never going to eat green beans”.
LOL. Okay. I literally gave her four. Four. FOUR green beans. . This is a little ridiculous now. Like, can I even argue this one?
“I won’t make my kids clean”.
Then I am never, ever visiting her house. I have to fight this child to get a dish off the table and into the sink in the mornings. If she’s not cleaning, and they’re not cleaning, I’m not going. No thanks.
“I’m never going to watch Jeopardy and make my kids be quiet”
I remember when I thought Jeopardy was dumb. It’s literally my favorite time of the day. So if she wants to deprive her family of it, that’s her own loss.
See where this is going? Pretty much because I actually mom, I suck as a mom. Where is this fair? Am I missing a secret here to being great at life? Is every kid this frustrating? Is she like this because it’s pay back for me being the child I was? I don’t know. I honestly don’t care. I think I rock. So there.